My Gran

This poem was writen in 2011 a year after I very sadly lost my gran to death.

Here I am, reliving all that happened a year ago.
I feel what I felt.
I think what I thought.
All thoughts running through my head constantly.
My heart shattering to the floor into tiny pieces, nothing keeping them together anymore.
I lost my smile and found a frown.
I try to be happy but fall apart over and over again.
I need an escape.
Somewhere away from this pain.
Something to stop the ache.
A burning ache I feel deep inside.
Please just let this be a nightmare from which I will awaken soon.
Make it go away.
I hate myself for not doing and giving more.
Life is such a short, unpredictable thing, no one knows what can happen within the next few seconds. In a matter of seconds your whole world can fall apart right in front of your eyes.
All your defences can be broken down and destroyed, nothing left but weakness, suffering and pain.
I sit and watch my whole world crumble through my fingers.
Its hard to Walk, its hard to talk, and even harder to breathe.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to run to.
Feels like the world is closing in on me.
Everything is collapsing down on me.
Leave me alone, go away.
I don't want to eat, I don't want to walk, I don't want to talk.
Just please leave me alone.
Go away you stupid feelings and emotions.
Go away you stupid thoughs.
Leave me alone.
Just leave me alone.!!